A Recipe for Healing. Part 1
Hello lovely, welcome back the blog!
Today, as the title suggests, we will be exploring some of the beneficial pillars to healing that I have discovered along my journey. Firstly, what healing means to you and what you are healing will vary person to person and be highly specific to you, your life, the multitude of internal and external processes and experiences that weave together to form the tapestry of your journey. Below are some of the things that have been pivotal for me but this does not mean that they should hold the same significance or relevance for you.
This is a very complex and multifaceted topic to undertake. The answers to a question like, “what are your top tips for healing?” are not only incredibly bio-individual but they are also very nuanced and delicate. Needless to say, there is no right or wrong way to heal. However, there are practices and tools that do seem to have some (relative) universal applicability and benefit to many people. My hope is that in sharing what has worked for me, it might plant a helpful seed or strike a beneficial resonance with you. Another hope in writing this, is that it may strengthen and deepen my understanding of my own processes through reflecting and expressing these words.
Some of the things I share below might be more obvious than others. Others may be more subtle or uncommon. I would love to invite you to, as you read this, to take note of how your internal spaces respond to these ‘ingredients’. Notice which of the below ‘ingredients’ bring up a sense of resistance, anger, sadness, grief, hope, relief, connection, familiarity or the like. Take with you what resonates, and disregard what doesn’t! Lastly, I would love to hear from you about which of these have been important for you too or which ones you are keen to try out.
Note: I have broken this “recipe for healing” into 2 parts. This is part 1.
Ingredients:
1. Deep Curiosity.
Curiosity keeps the door to your inner self and to the inner-other, open. It keeps you in an on-going, conscious and open relationship to/with yourself. When we have curiosity, we are open to learning about the origins of our habits, thought patterns, perceptions and core beliefs (and those of others). Through curiosity, understanding arises. Through understanding, compassion arises. Through compassion arising, judgment, shame and criticism begin to slowly dissolve. This applies to our relationship to ourselves but also to others. The more we can replace judgment with curiosity, the more we can be in true connection (to self and other). One of my all-time favorite quotes is, “what you judge, you cease to understand”. Curiosity is an attitude. I have been graced with a lot of curiosity in my life, and for that I am eternally thankful. But I also find that sometimes it wanes, I then get complacent and uninvolved with the world around me. When this happens, I need to actively bolster it up and support its roots. Curiosity can be cultivated, encouraged and directed. How? Through intention, through action, through practicing non-binary thinking & self inquiry. Find what buoys your curiosity. For me, it is philosophical and spiritual inquiry, it is connection with others, it is interacting with other people – strangers in particular. To generate a true interest in other peoples’ lives then melts into a curiosity towards my own (and vise-versa). It can sometimes be hard to care about the minutia of our own lives: sometimes, the care that could be given to the small details of our lives gets usurped by a deficient relationship to the mundane. This is where intentionality is beneficial: intentionally engaging with every activity you do (i.e., bringing more presence and direction to it) can help us to foster care for the seemingly insignificant aspects of our lives.
Another activity that bolsters my curiosity is moving: particularly a meditative walking practice in nature. To do this, I simply find a place in nature where I can walk with no music, podcasts or other distractions. Just me, my legs and nature. It calms my nervous system, allows for energetic flow through my body and sparks my creative energy which in turn, allows my curiosity to rise up as I open to myself and to the life humming within and around me. Other curiosity supports: closing my eyes and breathing with awareness, authentic and meaningful conversation, eye contact, focusing on details around me in my environment (sights, smells, tastes, sensations) and lastly, questioning why things are the way they are - this can start off simple.
For example, name a few things in your life that have been that way for ages. Now question their origins/function/role/emergence and their current relevance to your life. These can be physical things or it can be more abstract things like thought patterns, behaviours or habits).
2. Moving Beyond “Root Cause” Mentality.
This is a fascinating one. For many people, finding “the root cause” has been a useful way of dealing with and understanding ailments. However, I would like to propose a framework of understanding that I have found more useful than the linear “one root cause” approach. Systems-based thinking is a method of thinking or engaging with a phenomenon wherein a deep appreciation for complexity is emphasized. There is VERY seldom a single “root cause” that is responsible for an issue/problem/disease/experience. More often that not, it is the confluence of interacting factors that have resulted in a particular condition. It is very important to notice and acknowledge this. The “root cause” theory provided an important shift away from surface level engagement with problems/symptoms through encouraging an awareness of the fact that underneath the emergent condition is a deeper causal influence (in medical realms particularly, but also in interpersonal realms). However, a “root cause” thinking approach is not sufficient anymore to hold the complexity of life’s interactive factors and the emergent experiences that result from these interactions. Taking a mono-causality approach to things limits us extensively in our understanding of the nuanced nature of how something comes to be. Not a single condition can be understood in isolation from the wider context in which it resides. This systems-based thinking is a truer representation of a “holistic” approach. Examples of some of these factors that span multiple domains are: biological, psychological, social, cultural, political, historical, spiritual, emotional, physical and economic. These factors and how they relate to one another continually shift, change, morph and evolve. The more we can understand each contributing factor in isolation and in relationship to one another, the more understanding we can gift ourselves and those who we interact with in life. This understanding better equips us to discern which interactions are beneficial and which are detrimental so that we can be empowered to make change where change is necessary, for our wellbeing.
Example: A doctor sees a patient. The patient has a flu.
· The old/conventional paradigm would say, “you have a virus, let’s cure the symptoms with some pharmaceutical intervention to help you fight the virus”.
· The root cause paradigm would say that, “your immune system was unable to fight this virus because of an underlying auto-immune condition which is the root cause of your weakened immune system, let’s use an approach that is effective in reducing physical symptoms but also attends to/supports the healing of your immune system”.
· A systems-thinking approach would say, “your immune system was unable to fight this virus because 1) you have an auto immune disorder that might be influenced by your childhood trauma 2) you went out partying last week which means late nights and thus negative sleep quality and quantity 3) you have had a work deadline which resulted in further negative impacts on sleep 4) as a result, you haven’t had the energy to exercise the last few days due to the lack of sufficient good quality sleep (between the nights out and the work deadline) 5) your eating patterns and choices have also been effected which further compromises your system 6) at a deeper level, your core beliefs informed by your formative years have meant that there is a subconscious belief that you are not worthy of health and success and therefore you subconsciously believe that your immune system is not strong and therefore, it is not strong 7) you have been sick many times in the last year and therefore your belief in your immune system’s ability to fight off external viruses is further affirmed 8) in your family life you hold a lot of responsibility, which places undue stress on your mind and body which further informs your susceptibility to illness 9) as a result of all of the preceding factors, your mental health has taken a plummet, which further places strain on your body-mind system rendering your system particularly susceptible to contracting the virus and being unable to fight it off timeously. How we can now take a multi-dimensional approach to attending to your body and your mind? How can we help you to reduce stress and create more systemic balance in your life?
3. A Willingness to Touch into the Traumas and Life Events That Have Shaped You.
This is a big one. In fact, I cannot stress this one enough. We are the only people who are responsible (and even capable) of understanding and analyzing our lived experiences in order to discern how they have affected and shaped us. The onus is on us to educate ourselves and merge curiosity with responsibility. However: it is important to do this in the appropriate and sensitive time and space that supports our nervous systems and mental processing capacity.
How do we do this work? We can do this through reading books, listening to podcasts made by professionals in this field of work, partaking in courses, doing somatic therapy, talk therapy, talking to loved ones who know about these topics or have been through similar experiences and have done some level of self-inquiry. All of this constitutes as “doing the work”. There are so many phenomenal resources out there that help to empower people to work with, and heal, their traumas (there is a list of resources to check out below at the end of this article).
It is important to understand that there is a wider, more inclusive definition of trauma that gives space
for events or occurrences that may not have been explicitly violent, but are no less traumatic. Trauma is
not only applicable to the war veterans and abuse victims. Trauma can be more subtle and insidious
than you might think. As the renowned Gabor Mate says, “trauma is not what happens to you, it's what happens inside of you as a result of what happened to you. Trauma is that scarring that makes you less flexible, more rigid, less feeling and more defended." Here, he demonstrates that it is the internal experience of the person that is the key to trauma, not the event itself. One of the ways of understanding trauma that I personally resonate most with is that trauma is anything that is overwhelming to the nervous system of an individual. This individual does not have the internal resources to process/integrate the stimulus and thus results in a chronic disruption to connection (to yourself, to those around you).
There are big traumas (violent events like war zones, natural disasters, abuse of some kind, being attacked/mugged/violated in some way or losing a loved one) but there are also small “t” traumas which include things like being shamed, discriminated against, receiving overwhelming news, being bullied, childhood neglect or lack of parental unconditional positive regard, grief, loss, self-betrayal, not having your emotional needs met, etc. This more inclusive view gives one a greater capacity to sit with/acknowledge/validate past hurts and pains through a more compassionate and understanding lens.
Sometimes it is hard to even identify if you are in trauma response because you have been functioning in/from that place for as long as you know and can remember. Therefore, because it is all that you know, you do not realize the possibility of a life that is more fulfilling, harmonious and balanced. If this is the case, I would highly recommend seeking some guidance. Some of the hallmarks of trauma as symptoms in the mind-body are: feelings of shame, guilt, compulsive thoughts or behaviors, addiction, low self-worth and confidence, chronic feelings of worry or the need for speed and stimulation all of the time, resistance to being alone, fear of intimacy, strong reactions to stimulus (crowds, noise, people, tastes, smells), visual flashbacks, feelings of dissociation, feeling like sometimes you just “shut down” or panicked when emotions arise, feeling anxiety/stress, unwillingness to engage with pleasure, being overly focused on work, extreme in things that you do, addiction to stress. These are just a few of the symptoms of what could be a trauma-related issue.
Trauma and trauma responses have far-reaching and tremendously impactful affects on our lives. These have consequences that extend far beyond what we can even conceptualize (particularly because a lot of trauma occurs during developmental years OR goes totally unacknowledged due to it not being acknowledged or validated). As a result, we conflate our trauma responses with who we are. Instead of how we have learnt to cope. Trauma shapes how we show up in the world, it shapes our perception filters and relationships. It impacts every part of our lives. It is so vital to 1) understand the current state of our nervous systems so that we can begin to peel back the layers of reactivity to see who we truly are underneath layers of pain, illusion, hyperarousal and the consequent narratives that arise out of these different nervous system states. It is important to note that the state of our nervous system changes moment to moment, therefore having more internal awareness of these shifts and states will massively benefit you. This allows you to hear what your system is saying to you in any given moment. With time, you will learn the language and cues of your body and begin to predict or quickly identify when your nervous system is moving out of homeostasis and into reactivity (which then empowers you to do what is necessary to support your systems’ attempt to come back to equilibrium).
If we stay in a chronic state of reactive trauma responses, we struggle to contact a felt sense of embodied safety (physically & psychologically). This in turn, stunts our ability to: contact our creativity, aliveness and our fundamental and biological desire to connect with ourselves and others. We dissociate from our lives and bodies, and before we know it, 10 years have flown by and we suddenly wake up and realize we have been living our lives through the haze of trauma. To live a connected and present life is available to us, we just need to understand where we are blocked from connection to ourselves, where we hide from intimacy and how that is expressed in our psyche.
Our natural state of being is: present, receptive, aware and self-knowing. But through life’s challenges, we can get stuck when trauma (stress energy) has not been sequenced/processed out of the soma.
4. Somatic Practices: Feeling into an Embodied Sense of Safety.
After (or even during) the deep dive into the myriad of trauma resources that will support us in understanding the extensive effects of trauma and how to begin the slow journey back to ourselves, you will begin to see that intellectually understanding the theory and the effects of trauma is insufficient (albeit important). In order to fully realize trauma healing and restore balance to the entire body-mind system (or soma) you need to go beyond intellectual reasoning and logic; you need to come back home to the body, to the seat of your human experience. It is important that you come back slowly and in a staggered way. As has been so eloquently put, “the body keeps the score”. Meaning that the traumas and emotional responses that we have not processed, integrated and sequenced out of our somas gets lodged in the body and more often than not, remain there until we sequence them out. So, when we then begin to tap back into the body; the feelings, memories, sensations and visions that have been trapped there become activated again in their attempt to leave the body. It is important that this happens. This is how we release the stronghold grip that the past has on us from a somatic level. However, to slowly release the energy is beneficial as it reduces the risk of re-traumatizing, which can happen if too much energy is released at once.
A common trauma response is to dissociate, to leave yourself in an attempt to remove yourself from the challenging sensations and feelings of the lived experience. And while this plays a massively sophisticated and protective role, it also cuts us off from the rest of our lives and the rest of ourselves. Therefore, when you are going through this process of releasing these stored activation responses from the body it is important to create an intentional emotional/energetic container so that you are more equipped to stay with yourself instead of dissociate as a result of feeling that energy alive in your soma again.
As you begin repeatedly practicing the magic of staying with yourself (reinforced by a daily commitment to yourself upon rising), you will start to remember that your body is home and that you are allowed to feel feelings of safety in your home.
This ingredient is VITAL. Healing (deep, whole, full healing), in my opinion, cannot occur without this step. One cannot heal only the mind and leave the body. A good first practical step to help you with this ingredient is to: find somatic practices that are supportive for you (and this will likely change over time). Some examples are: yoga, tai chi, qi gong, walking, humming, tapping, massage, dancing, running, breathwork, TRE and many more. I would highly recommend taking a dual approach (particularly in the beginning) of seeing a professional who can be a steadfast container for your process and then also having a devoted self-practice where you explore some of these somatic modalities alone in only your own presence to see and be with what is there. This can start really small. For example, ten minutes on your yoga mat breathing. Or ten minutes sitting crossed legged and breathing and touching your hands all over your body in a soft and caressing way that will translate to your body an intention of, “I am here with and for you”. Your body is a highly intellect thing. It will begin to sense when it feels authentically safe in your own presence. And slowly, by the very act of you creating a safe container and space for what is there to come up, your soma will begin to open for you and support your process of re-membering your wholeness.
Sometimes, the process of coming back to physical embodiment takes VERY long. And this is okay. As mentioned, you want to take your time with this step.
For example, in my experience when too much was coming up for me in my yoga practice, I realized that I needed to find anther way of accessing embodiment that was less confronting for me. So, I discovered the medicine of meditative walking. This gave me the sensation of being embodied and physical but without the intense (and often overwhelming) intimacy of heightened internal awareness that came with my yoga practice. At first, I had a lot of guilt for turning away from my yoga practice. However, now, in hindsight I can understand that the wisdom of my body-mind was protecting me from being re-traumatized. There is a fine line between finding the deep magic of these healing practices like yoga by going towards them even when there is resistance versus listening to when your body is telling you that it does not feel safe to do so. You, and only you can know what is safe and right for your system. For about two years all I could do as my “practice” was long walks and occasional runs. These felt safe to me. Finally, I came back to being able to access my yoga practice without becoming triggered or emotionally unstable. Be patient with yourself on this journey.
5. Understand and Release SHAME.
I have had a long and involved journey with shame. In my opinion, shame is the most corrosive emotion. It penetrates deeper than guilt, and harder than anger. It sits right in the center of your heart and soma, removing you from yourself and from your life. It took me a lot of time to realize that my addictions and compulsive behaviors were related to anxiety and chronic shame. Both my own shame and shame that had been passed down to me through intergenerational trauma. Once I started to realize that I had this gnawing, persistent shame as my life long companion, I started the deep process of trying to untangle myself from it. For me, this started in conjunction with beginning trauma healing work with a professional who guided me through self-relational exercises and practices. This was incredibly helpful and also extraordinarily painful and heartbreaking. To unveil the truth of how I have been relating to myself from a lens of shame and such low self worth for most of my life was sad and confronting. But, so, so important. This is where the curiosity ingredient comes in. I started to apply that deep curiosity here: which helped me to move from radical self judgment to radical curiosity and finally, radical self-compassion. When I got curious about the shame, answers started to emerge from the depths of my soma because the curiosity allowed me to be open to hearing what the shame was trying to tell me. We all want to avoid judgment, and so do our somas. I have found that shame has many faces. It can be found in social anxiety (rooted in shame-associated low self worth whose core belief is: I am not worthy of people loving me and I am scared of people seeing the “real” me – which in your mind is not lovable), discomfort or body aversion, struggling with your relationship to food, struggling to be alone, the need for external validation, depression/general anxiety, struggles with intimacy, struggling to make decisions, negative self-talk, people who are perfectionistic or people who have compulsive behaviors. Along with professional guidance to process and understand the shame that was so alive in me, embodiment practices also helped me immensely. When you are embodied, your reverence and respect for your body takes over the shame. There are also particular targeted practices that help to reduce shame. For example: start to notice when you feel shame the most. Notice what your body language and posture is doing in that moment (most times, the body mirrors the internal state). Begin to consciously invite a more empowering and self-trusting posture in. I used to find that when I was eating food, my entire top half of my body would droop over like Golam from Lord of The Rings as a representation of the shame I felt internally. I started to notice the feelings of shame associated with eating and that particular posture. Alongside that, I started noticing the internal self-talk that would occur during those moments. I addressed this in two ways: 1) I actively changed my posture. I lifted my chest, opened my shoulder, lifted my chin and relaxed my stomach. Not only did this do wonders in how I felt, reducing feelings of shame and bringing in a feeling of pride and empowerment but it also helped my physical digestion. 2) I actively started to catch my negative self-talk and slowly started to try and swap it for something more neutral and then eventually something more positive. It’s hard to go from negative straight to positive – for someone with chronic shame, the positive affirmation that opposes the longstanding negative self-talk is almost ludicrous and highly unbelievable, and registers as inauthentic in the soma. So, if you start by replacing the negative self-talk with neutral self-talk, it starts to warm you up and prime you for more positive self-talk later down the road.
6. Uncover Your Core Beliefs.
So much of what we believe as adults, is informed by our formative years and experiences. Subtle, unconscious thinking patterns, physical behaviors and relational grooves are all symptomatic imprints from earlier experiences that mold and shape us. Either through the patterns of: that was horrible, don’t want to experience that again (protective) or through the pattern of: that was great, the outcome that was desired was reached therefore this pattern works, I will do that again (result oriented). Our core beliefs govern much more of our lives than we might think. On both a conscious and subconscious level. Our core beliefs make up the texture, tone and quality of our inner lives, and therefore, govern much of our outer lives. This is visible in the more obvious motifs of who we choose to partner with or not, and how those relationships go. Often, our relationships (both romantic and platonic) are some of the most powerful and necessary mirrors to our internal core beliefs, unresolved traumas and thinking/believing patterns. But sometimes, we need to be our own mirror – it’s important to be as much of a mirror to ourselves, if not more than our partners so as not to put too much pressure or strain on our relationships. I like to think of it as: I do as much mirroring work of my own S*** as I can, and my partners shows me the stuff that I am unable to contact outside of a relational container. As self-commited individuals, we can, through curiosity and inner inquiry have the honest and challenging conversations with ourselves that are necessary for self-directed inner growth. To do this, we need to engage in critical thinking, authentic reflection and necessary debate about WHERE certain beliefs come from, HOW they impact our everyday choices about WHO we are and HOW we show up in the world.
A helpful way of going about this is to compartmentalize at first. We will move down in layers to the deeper more permeating inner layers. First, identify the different domains of your life: nutrition, movement practices, relationships to others and ourselves, success, love, work, play, intimacy (platonic and romantic), safety etc. Now, systematically go through each of your life domains and write down some of the ways that you relate to each of these domains. Reflect on what you have written, notice any themes. Now, go through them all again but but time, write down the core beliefs that you have in relation to each domain. Lastly, write down how each of the core beliefs you have impact how you relate to these domains (in this way, the exercise becomes circular: starting with relational, moving to core beliefs and then back to relational). Is the impact of your core beliefs helpful/beneficial to HOW you want to relate to these domains? OR, do your core beliefs govern any or all of these domains in a way that sabotages your desired way of relating to them?
For the core beliefs that do not serve us, the only way to dismantle them is to challenge them and then replace them. Asking ourselves questions such as: where do these core beliefs come from? What formative experiences led me to internalize that feeling so deeply so as to avoid or chase that outcome again? Often you will find that they come from many sources that are not you. Such as parents, guardians, siblings, societal/cultural beliefs that have been internalized, schooling systems, religion, certain heightened experiences both negative and positive and yes, you guessed it, trauma. The core beliefs that are molded by trauma are often some of the grittiest and sticky to deal with because they are tied in with highly intelligent survival and protection mechanisms therefore, they are particularly stubborn to dislodge. But at the end of the day, we need to deeply sit with this: which core beliefs serve your wellbeing? Which do not serve your wellbeing?
And like we did earlier with releasing shame, sometimes it is too much contrast to go from a very unsupportive core belief to it’s polar opposite. Especially for ones that have long resided in your psyche. Therefore, I suggest a bridging time where you consciously try to first dismantle your current core belief that is unsupportive by debunking it. Give it less weight. Find a space of neutral relation to it and the domain that it effects most. Then, slowly start to plant more supportive core beliefs. For example: if your core belief is that you are unlovable because of a neglectful mother, you can’t reprogram that belief by simply reciting to yourself, “I am so, so lovable”. It won’t register in your being as true, therefore it will not stick. Perhaps, first start with asking, where does this core belief come from? Identify where it comes from, why it arose in the first place. Sometimes, even just identifying the origin of the belief, lessens its stronghold grip on you. Next, start to notice the moments when you feel that core belief becomes activated. Remind yourself of its origin and that it is not objective truth. It is a narrative that has been formed by a hurtful experience. A neutralizing practice can then be to look around you at the people in your life that love you just as you are, sense into a feeling of gratitude for the way that they receive you in love. Notice how that, too, affirms to your system that maybe your core belief is not an objective truth. Start saying, “I am loved by this person and that person and it was demonstrated to me when they did this or said that”. Start to take note of all the instances that prove that core belief wrong. Instead of always letting confirmation bias let you see only the things that confirm your unsupportive core belief. Slowly then move towards mantras or affirmations that can begin to replace that unsupportive core belief. Find ones that resonate as true or possibly true to your soma. And be diligent with feeling them in your body-mind. And continue with all of your core beliefs. <3
7. Healing relationships.
The importance of healing relationships is paramount in the healing journey. For me, this looked like healing my relationship with my parents (as individual relationships and together as a family unit). It also looked like healing old friendships and connections through having honest and challenging conversations that in some cases were confronting for both parties. In some cases, it wase about noticing which relationships supported my wellbeing and which of them did not and then taking aligned action from this knowledge.
This step of focusing on relational wellbeing requires a deep commitment to authentic and honest communication – it is the process of laying down new, sturdier bricks where once there were older, more frail ones that comprised the foundation of the “house” (house being a metaphor for a relationship). This ingredient is all about the subtle renovation of unstable relationships. Through the conscious process of creating newer, healthier foundations there will be a felt sense of trust, safety, deep connection and intimacy within your relationships. A new degree of presence will emerge when we commit to conscious relating.
These new relationships will now have appropriate expectations, boundaries, interactions and limitations. Relationships are one of the primary pillars to human wellbeing: feeling seen, heard, understood, loved and appreciated are essential for healing. In fact, studies have shown that human connection is a more important precursor to longevity than exercise or diet. That says a lot.
Belonging is a basic human need. Take a moment and think about all the relationships in your life: consider where there needs to be some reparation and healing. Act on that. If there doesn’t need to be active repairing, think about where you can possibly show more appreciation, love or authenticity. Or where you could possibly be more present and available. Become an active participant in each and every relationship in your life. Show interest in the people you love. CARE. A great way of showing your care to people in your life is to commit to understanding their love language(s). Then, show them your love in their love languages (languages they will understand, which will allow them to see/receive/access the love given). Often, feelings of being unseen or unloved in relationship is not actually because there is an objective lack of love, but because we are miscommunicating and misunderstanding our love languages.
For example: to me, the love languages of physical affection, verbal affirmation and spending time together are most important. In my experience, these are more “direct” ways of giving and receiving love, therefore they make the most sense to me. I do not have to do extra work of inferring your love for me via your acts of service. However, this is not the case for everyone (of course). Everyone has vastly different relational experiences, particularly in formative years: which form how we relate in our relationships in our older years. Understanding our own and our friend/partners’ upbringing can help to contextualize their love languages. My partner’s main love languages are: acts of service and spending time together. So, first we had to identify and acknowledge each others’ different love languages. Then we had to appreciate where our love languages overlap (spending time together). Consciously, we spent time together as this is a shared love language and also actively both tried to show love in the other persons’ love language. This takes effort at first, and a process of trying to put yourself in their shoes.
8. Cultivate Spiritual Practice and Awareness.
Spiritual practices and rituals remind us of the most essential self there is: beyond beliefs, ideas, concepts, events and experiences and into the most real and unfiltered self that exists. Healing requires regular contact with this. I would go so for as to say that awareness of the true self is the foundation from which the rest of the healing journey rests upon. This is what fills you and brings everything into appropriate focus & prioritization. This allows you to live from your heart, instead of your head. It allows you to live from presence, instead of fear/grasping/wanting/averting/resisting. It allows you to be fully IN who you are, as a divine expression of all that is. From this place, the high of addictions pale in comparison to the bliss of residing fully in your awake self. The fullness that is in your heart trumps the short-lived fulfillment of our negative habits and what they momentarily relieve us from. Addiction is arguably the souls calling for connection with this essential self. In fact, I read once that addiction is simply put, a symptom of spiritual depravity. You get to choose whether you let addictions be your biggest buddha (teacher) or your rabbit hole. There are many times during relapse and recovery where you feel you are not fixable, that you are too far down the rabbit hole. But this is not the case. Conscious awareness shows us the way out of this treacherous cycle by gifting us the wisdom of seeing the gap between thought and being, between addiction and who we fundamentally are.
Awareness lives in between action, reaction and response. Awareness reminds us that we are free in any given moment to choose. It reminds us that this gap is the space in which our freedom lies.
One important point here is that it is important to establish a meaningful and deliberate spiritual practice that works for you. One that meets your needs. You do not need to sit in meditation for 3 hours a day, that is only one way of having a spiritual practice. A spiritual practice is anything that connects you to Yourself/the Divine. For instance, for my partner, that means gardening. That is his time of connection, grounding and tuning in. For me, it is yoga and long quiet nature walks alone. The important thing is to simply create meaningful rituals that bring you back to presence and that cultivate a strong moment-to-moment awareness of being.
This all provides perspective. Perspective allows for non-reactive engagement with yourself, your life and your relationships. Non-reactivity means that responsiveness takes its place. Like the words suggest, responding has an element of consciousness in it. Whereas reactivity is similar to a knee jerk reaction – which, let’s be honest, doesn’t help much.
9. Spend time in Nature.
Nature brings us back to homeostasis in such a fundamental way. It enlivens us from the inside out. It provides us the gift of perspective and the opportunity to connect with our deepest reservoirs of stillness. This happens through many mechanisms but one of the primary ones is that in observing nature with an open heart, we recognize that we are part of it. A fundamental part of it. That nature does not exist in separation from us. And that the raw beauty and aliveness we see in nature is within us, too.
Nature has this incredible ability to encompass varying energies: the real meaning of balance and flexibility. Nature can stay steady and stable amidst changing external environments and conditions, a yielding and adaptive quality that enables it to thrive. And it also changes, grows and is constantly in motion even in its stability. A unique combination of movement and dynamism alongside stability and grounded-ness. When we immerse in nature, we sense this quality of being flexible, receptive and yet grounded. And then, our subtle body is re-energized by it and takes on those same qualities within ourselves. Spending time in nature has so many beneficial psychological and physical effects on the body-mind-energy systems. It also helps to bring forward the content of the subconscious mind to the conscious mind; helping you to become aware of, and process things that might otherwise have required much more rigor to unpack or even become aware of.
10. Self-Trust.
Self-trust is a way of relating to yourself. It is a way of establishing deeper roots. As your roots of trust grow, your rooting in the world will become more solid and secure. Most people struggle with self-trust, to one degree or another. This is often a result of a multitude of factors (experiences that made you doubt yourself, low self esteem, moments of self-betrayal etc.). But, luckily for us all. We are able to cultivate self-trust. One of the most effective ways to do this is to identify 3-5 things every single morning that you want to do that day. Say you will do them and ensure that you do them. Every time you follow through and in fact do these things, you will strengthen that self-trust muscle. Which is where so much of your power lies.
Another way to do this is the establish an intuition practice: identify something that helps you tune in to your intuition. More times than not, this will be something that increases mindfulness. Because mindfulness increases awareness, with increased awareness you’re able to hear what your soma is telling you moment-to-moment. This is why yogis often have a heightened ability to access their intuitive wisdom – because they spend lots of time in mindfulness (during and after their practice, a practice that connects mind-body-soul, forming a coherence in the present moment). When we are in a state of coherence – where the mind and body meet in space and time and there is a felt sense of embodiment – we have total access to our intuition. The more we are able to access and listen to our intuition and let it be our guiding compass, the more we will be able to reside in an embodied self-trust.
And that is it for now, lovely! If you have made it this far – well done.
Thanks for sticking with me until the end of Part 1. I hope that these tips and pillars have provided some value to you on your journey. Until Part 2, all my love and healing energy, Maria.
